Bishop Backs Gay Marriage

Right Rev. Nick Holtam, Bishop of Salisbury has offered his support to gay marriage and gay couples, saying that gay marriage, "embodies a commitment to be faithful, loving, and lifelong. These are virtues which the Church of England wants to see maximised in society."

On Saturday, same-sex marriage became legal in Great Britain. Gay and lesbian couples across England and Wales were wed, to joyful acclaim from family, friends and the general public.

Although the Bishop was forthright in his comments, the Church of England is divided by the question of marriage equality. The Church's formal line is that Anglican clergy are not to marry partners of the same sex, despite heterosexual clergy being allowed to marry.

Bishop of Salisbury, Nick Holtam - Photograph: London News Pictures/Rex

Forced Marriage in Australia

The issue of forced marriage happening in Australia has reared its ugly head recently, with the case of a child being 'married' to a 26-year-old man.  The case came to light when the 'husband' attempted to enrol his 'wife' in school. The imam who celebrated the 'marriage' has been charged, as has the 26 year-old man.

Until this case hit the headlines, many Australians would have vehemently protested the notion that forced marriage happens here in Australia. "There are laws preventing such a thing happening." "That only happens in 3rd world countries!" "No one would do that to a child!" and so on.

But it does happen, it has been happening and it will continue to happen unless people are educated and more are willing to take a stand.

The Marriage Act expressly states that a couple being wed must be aged 18 or over, unless a court has waived that rule for one or other of the couple. And the Slavery Act just on a year ago was specifically changed to outlaw forced marriage in Australia.

And yet it still happens. At a forum held at the NSW Parliament a number of advocates against forced marriage called for increased education on the subject, for students and for religious leaders. Young women need to be educated in human rights and the laws of the land, as do the religious leaders who hold sway in their communities.

Over 14 million girls are forced in to marriage each year according to the charity, Plan International. This is an appalling, shocking statistic. Education and awareness raising, community and generational change may, in years to come, save some of these girls.

Child marriage in India, Public Domain from Wikimedia Commons

Marriage Equality on the Agenda Again?

The Hon. Tanya Plibersek MP, Sydney by ACON Online

Tanya Plibersek, Deputy Opposition Leader, is set to introduce a new Marriage Equality Bill to Parliament.

Based closely on the Bill that was voted down in 2012, Plibersek has the support of Labor's caucus to introduce the private members bill.

Plibersek has indicated she will only introduce the bill if Prime Minister Tony Abbott allows all Liberal MPs a free, conscience vote as opposed to a Party bloc vote.

Without such a commitment, a new bill seems unlikely to pass.

The 2012 Bill was soundly defeated 48 votes to 92.

Anna Richards - Featured Marriage Celebrant

I wasn’t always going to be a Celebrant. In fact, when I was growing up and I used to sneak around the house when my father was preparing his Sunday sermon, it couldn’t have been further from my thoughts that I would one day be officiating at similar ceremonies myself. I spent the first forty odd years of my career being a nurse, still am a nurse! 

Anna Richards, CMC with Julie & Joe

Funnily enough, one day I went to watch a marriage ceremony because my daughter was one of the bridesmaids and I came to see her looking beautiful. That ceremony changed my life. I kept thinking of myself being the Celebrant and how I would have conducted the ceremony. The thought wouldn’t leave me and even though my husband thought I was nuts and definitely didn’t think I was serious I went ahead and did the course. It was one of those short crash courses and, as I didn’t even know how to use a computer then, it was the most difficult week of my life.

Anna Richards, CMC with Helen & Pasquale

I spent weeks pre-reading and preparing for the course. Most of the others just went home and Googled what they needed to know! I plodded on regardless and got through (teacher was very happy). The problem was the Government decided we had far too many celebrants at this time and I had to wait two years before I was registered even though I was qualified. Finally registration came through! Now for a booking!  Being a rather shy person I didn’t mention to anyone that I was a celebrant so needless to say, I didn’t get many bookings. 

That was 10 years ago and I haven’t looked back. I love my work and only nurse two days a week so I can spend time expanding my Celebrancy business. In 2012 I updated my qualification to Certificate IV in Celebrancy at The Gordon Institute of TAFE in Geelong to be able to provide my couples with even more resources and to give them the best ceremony possible and something they will always remember because it was just as they imagined it.

I like to think of myself as the friendly Celebrant with a professional image who really cares about and listens to what my couples want. It is their day and it should be all about them. I give them a 20 page comprehensive Celebrant resource booklet which covers everything from the legalities to examples of vows, readings, music, writing your own vows and how to apply for an official marriage certificate.

I have learnt how to use the computer by the way, and my computer guru son is quite impressed how I now manage my own blog, website and various other forms of social media.

I love performing marriages for couples from overseas and have helped many couples obtain their prospective spouse visas.

My most memorable ceremony was in a suburban backyard where the groom decided, after having first said the legal vows, to sing his own vows to his bride.  I was a little apprehensive but she loved it and it was amazing how he kept it all together. We were all in stitches!

Anna Richards, CMC with Annie & Ben

Destination Weddings - To Be or Not To Be?

So, you've decided to get married in Bali, Fiji, Tahiti, New Zealand, Noumea ..... insert your destination here.  It'll be your dream wedding: bright blue sky, palm trees swaying, crystal clear sea gently lapping as you and your beau stand on the gleaming white sand and exchange vows.

But wait! What's wrong with this picture? Oh yes ... the guests.

Choosing an overseas destination for your wedding opens up a huge can of worms and can create all sorts of problems with family & friends. You will have valid reasons for choosing the location - it may be to tie in with a honeymoon, it may be that that has been your dream since you were tiny, it may be that family is spread out across the world and you've chosen what you think is a central location.

But have you thought about the expense involved for your family & friends?

Flights, accommodation, living expenses, use of annual leave or leave without pay ... all can add up to be a pretty costly endeavour. Your closest friends and nearest and dearest want to be with you as you celebrate such an important milestone so, when choosing the destination bride and groom should talk about what you might need to do to make it a reality for those you love. How much of the cost can you / are you willing to contribute? Can you set up some technological solution so those who really can't be with you in person on the day can still be a part of the occasion?

Talk with your family & friends well before-hand. Find out what they think about it. Ask them what you can do to make it a reality. This is such an important occasion. Do whatever you can to enable your loved ones to be with you. But be prepared for some knockbacks. Understand that not everyone can take leave at the drop of a hat. Realise that plans for annual leave may have already been made and can't be changed. Know that not everyone has the ability to save hundreds or thousands of $$, even when given plenty of notice. Perhaps you can have a relaxed, informal party when you return home and relive the occasion via your videos and photos?

Above all, be realistic about what you are planning and what you are asking of your potential guests.

Wedding trellis with twin palm trees by Captain Skyhawk / CC from Flickr

Beijing Wedding Outfit Accessory

Not sure if this article is fair dinkum or whether it's a political protest with models, as the couple is not named at all in the article.  Nor in the various other articles I looked at. Regardless, it does highlight the horrific pollution blanketing Beijing and the impact it's having on the daily life of the citizens. Perhaps gas masks will become de rigueur ... the next trend?

Image from the Mirror via Twitter / AFP

Owl Behaviour

Years ago I came across a delightful book about an owl called Uhu (pronounced Yoo-Hoo) by Annette Macarthur-Onslow.  It tells of the short life and untimely death of a baby tawny owl that had fallen from its nest and been rescued by Macarthur-Onslow.

Today I'm reading about another owl, Wesley the barn owl, who is the subject of a NY Times and Los Angeles Times bestseller. In the first couple of pages of her book, Stacey O'Brien talks about the 'Way of the Owl'.

"Owls mate for life, and when an owl's mate dies, he doesn't necessarily go out and find another partner. Instead, he might turn his head to face the tree on which he's sitting and stare fixedly in a deep depression until he dies. Such profound grief is indicative of how passionately owls can feel and how devoted they are to their mates. This is the Way of the Owl."

Until Death Us Do Part ...

Every so often we hear stories from friends, colleagues & family about couples who've lived and loved for decades, dying within a few hours of each other. Here's a beautiful story of a love lived long ...

Ed holds Floreen's hand. Photo courtesy of Renee Hirsh, their daughter

Floreen and Edward Hale are a Canadian couple who died recently, just 36 hours apart. As Floreen died, her husband of 60 years held her hand and comforted her to the end. Thanks to the wonderful work of staff from two hospitals, Ed and Floreen were brought together to share their final hours. Love in action, right to the end.

Marriage Ceremonies ... within the Marriage Ceremony

Just the right ceremony for you! - by Guest Contributor, Robyn Rodda, CMC 

These days, weddings are so much more fun than they used to be. Gone are the days of having to go through a ceremony that's long and boring for the bride, groom and guests. Couples have a lot more input now, with as little or as much personal aspects as they wish. Another benefit of the modern day wedding is the innovation of different ceremonies and rituals, such as “The Heart Lock” (where couples use a lock as a symbol of their lifetime love for one another) and the “Rose Ceremony” (with the bride and groom during the ceremony each presenting the other with a rose, representing the words “I love you”).

While most of these rituals come from much earlier days, they have adapted to modern times to be short little ceremonies within the main wedding ceremony. For example, a Handfasting ceremony comes from Celtic weddings but is now often adapted to suit any contemporary service. But undoubtedly, the most popular of these ceremonies within ceremonies are Sand, Ring Warming and Unity Candles.

 A wedding sand ceremony is very popular. Two vessels of sand are poured together either into a third keepsake vessel or into the wind, to represent the coming together of your lives. It can also be a wonderful way to unite two families if either party has children already from a previous relationship. Each member of the family is represented by different colour sand, and as each is poured into the container, the individual portions of sand will no longer exist on their own, but will instead be joined together as one. Just as every individual grain of sand has its own unique beauty, strength and character, when blended together, they form an entirely new and extraordinarily more intricate whole. Like marriage, the sand ceremony respects the individuality of each person, but also unites them as one.

The ring warming ceremony is one that can include all of your guests or just a handful of them. During a ring warming, the couple’s wedding rings are passed among their guests, as the rings are a visible sign of the couple’s commitment to one another. Each guest is invited to hold the rings for a moment, warms them with their hands and makes a silent prayer, blessing or personal wish for the health and happiness of the couple, and their future together. When the rings come back, the warmth of these precious rings represents all the hopes and dreams from their family and friends.

But my favourite ritual is the Unity Candle Ceremony, although it is not recommended to be done outside as the candles will not stay lit. The flames from the candles represent the “light” and “souls” of the bride and groom, and this ritual is done with one large, central “unity” candle, and two smaller candles on either side. The two smaller candles symbolize the separate lives, families and experiences of the bride and groom before the wedding day, and these candles are lit early in the ceremony by a member from each family, usually the mother. After the exchange of vows, but before the exchange of rings, the bride and groom take each side candle and light the centre unity candle together, uniting the families and experiences into one.

The beauty of all of these types of ceremonies is that they can be adapted to suit anybody in any way. Changing the core of the ceremony does not necessarily make the service right or wrong, but more individual. And by adding one of these rituals, the wedding can be far more entertaining and personal, and not tiresome or uninteresting.

Robyn Rodda

Civil/Marriage Celebrant

www.robynsweddings.com.au

www.facebook.com/pages/robyns-weddings

www.twitter.com/Robynsweddings

Making Your Marriage Last

A quick search on the web reveals a multitude of tips & tricks to ensuring a long-lived marriage.  Two articles I just came across offer advice from quite different sources - long-married couples and an unmarried Pope!

Sweethearts by Patrick - CC on Flickr

The HuffPost Wedding site article, Tried and true marriage advice, includes pithy thoughts and tips from a select group of 9 long-married couples. My favourite is the advice from 65-years married, Jenny & Manny DaSilva, to touch toes when you go to bed.

And from Agnes and Harry Hutfles, married for 60 years, "You give and you give and you give." And if both are giving, then both are also receiving.

The advice given by the 9 couples may seem trivial, and I'm sure their suggestions aren't the only things that have kept them together over the years through the ups and downs of their long marriages. But as little things that can be done mindfully, they add up, and are positive and affirming.

Pope Francis also has some tips on how to achieve a healthy, happy marriage. His advice can be summed up in 3 words - Please, Thanks, Sorry.

Speaking on Valentine's Day to 12,500 couples, Francis said that courtesy, gratitude and contrition shown towards the other can go a long way to ensuring a lasting marriage. Again, it's about the little things being done mindfully to affirm and respect each other.